Spontaneity.  That’s one of the keys to an enjoyable vacation.  Deciding off the cuff where to go.  Packing up and surprising your spouse:  “We’re going that way!”  Stopping where you want to stop, turning where you want to turn… feeling the freedom of the road.

In order for this type of vacation to work, however, it’s necessary to leave the kids at home.  Since this is not an option for responsible, loving parents and since it’s largely frowned upon by society and law enforcement officials everywhere, except maybe Chicago, it is suggested that you take them along… the kids, that is, not the law enforcement officials.  This option requires planning, patience and earplugs.  And do it now; before school starts.

In my view, planning a vacation is tantamount to deciding your own funeral arrangements – it’s nice to know that people are going to meet at a gathering in your honor, but it takes the fun out of it when you have to throw the party yourself.  (The dying part probably isn’t that great, either, but considering that aspect sort of screws up the analogy.)  Vacation organization is no different.  In order to have the event come off smoothly, more time should be spent in the planning stages than in the actual execution of the plan itself…kinda like a covert military operation:

“Okay!  At exactly 09:34, Honey, you break away from the group and run toward the ticket office.  Kids, you create a diversion while I scout for a parking spot.  Keep a sharp eye out for enemy souvenir vendors…and try not to draw attention to yourselves!”

Extreme planning of this sort will keep you from looking for a campsite in the dark or driving on to the next city for a motel because you hit town the same time as the 83^rd annual Mutton Appreciation Days and Sheep Sheering Festival.  It can also get you to your hotel at 1:30 in the afternoon with nothing to do the rest of the afternoon but let the kids swim in the pool and watch the Discovery Channel on television.  For times like these, it’s always preferable to stay at a motel with a lounge.

For camping, many places now offer campsite reservations.  While this may keep you from searching for a campsite, you generally don’t have any hand in choosing which site you’ll get.  Because of this you may find yourself with a site in an alternate drainage route on the side of a steep hill, thereby ruining a perfectly good camping vacation and forcing you to a motel…preferably with a lounge.

Deciding beforehand where you’re going to stay and how long you’re going to be there can help you in packing for your trip.  If you’re going to a motel with a pool, for example, you don’t want to forget the swimwear.  Things like the camcorder are necessary for capturing those special moments, since it takes better video than your phone.  That is, if your cousin Art can remember who he loaned it to after he borrowed it from you.

It may be a good idea to make a list of things you’ll need or don’t want to forget.  You may even want to make several lists so you have one nearby whenever you think of something.  Doing so reduces the frustration you have of knowing you thought of something and then forgot it, anyway.  Of course, if you get too carried away with lists you’ll have to make a list of all the lists you have so you don’t forget anything.

Anyway, knowing where you will be going will help you foresee what type of clothing and gear you will need.  One tip to remember, however, is that no matter how well you plan or how much time you spend thinking about it, you will invariably forget something.  The trick is to learn to improvise.  If you fail to bring enough clothing, you can make room in your schedule to stop at a laundromat or send them to the motel cleaners.  If you forget the kids’ stereos or little electronic games, you can teach them some of the songs and car games you used to pass the time when you were young.  If you forget your wallet, drivers license and credit cards you’ll have to go back – improvisation will take you only as far as the next gas station, after which you’ll need cash.

Once you have listed, organized and packed everything you feel you’ll need, including 30% things you probably won’t ever use and 4% things you’ve never seen before, you can begin stowing this material in your vehicle.  As you can see by comparing volume of space to volume of luggage, this will require a plan as well – or a new vehicle.  This is the reason you often see older travelers driving down the highway in those large Greyhound-size motor homes.  Over the years they have gathered so much material they feel is necessary that a continuously larger RV is needed until they finally have to purchase the model manufactured by Caterpillar.  I think formal classes in stackage and storage would be much more cost effective, not to mention fuel-efficient.

There are some guidelines to remember when packing your vehicle.  Place the largest, heaviest items in the bottom and pack everything you may need during the trip on the top.  As an example, don’t put the Minnesota map in the largest suitcase, which will go way up in the front of the trunk below and behind everything except the tool kit and the emergency flares.

If you’re planning to tie things to the top of the vehicle, use the space for large luggage or coolers.  Smaller items are more likely to fly off without warning you they’re leaving by bouncing off the exterior of the vehicle.  It’s also a good idea to use older luggage for topside placement and a Boy Scout knot handbook also does wonders for the success of cartop luggage carrying.  Those large plastic top carriers are very helpful as well, since you can lock them.  This is useful because you only have to chase one item when it separates from your vehicle like a used up stage of a Saturn 5 rocket.

One more thing about packing the car.  After you’ve removed everything for the purpose of strategic storage and placement, don’t forget to put everything back in the trunk.  Extreme anxiety can arise after you’ve scattered the entire contents of the trunk in a deserted section of road in order to retrieve the spare tire, only to remember exactly where the jack is sitting in the garage.

Anyway, once you have everything packed, you’re ready to go.  You need only round up the kids and you’re off.  It’s necessary at this point, as a parent, to double-check the bathroom status.  Doing so will accomplish nothing because midway between your home and the next town or rest area someone will have to go to the bathroom.  The main reason to bring it up is so everyone else is well aware that you were right in asking.  It’s also handy to point out to everyone, while you’re looking for somewhere to stop:

“Didn’t I tell you to go before we left?!”

For what it’s worth, the mood is set and you are now on your way.  This is when you realize that the planning is the best part of the vacation.  While dreaming about it in the organizational stage you tended to leave out untimely bathroom stops, “I’m thirsty”s, “I don’t want to eat there!”s and “DAD, HE’S ON MY SIDE!”s.

Now is when you drive with your eye on the end of the day…on a motel with a nice bed and a pool for the kids.

Preferably, one with a lounge.