Quite often when writing these little pieces of thinly connected thoughts I spend time contemplating in a booth or table at one of a number of local restaurants whose primary distinction is that they don’t throw me out after I have been sitting around drinking coffee for two hours.  In return, I try not to take up space during peak business times of the day such as lunch hour or coffee break time for city employees.  

          One of my favorite places is situated next to a beautiful park-like setting.  The view from the large windows helps to give me inspiration…if that’s what you can call whatever it is that causes me to write this kind of stuff.  The 25 cent coffee may also be a factor.

          Whatever it is, I have found I gain more than just a break from the walls at home or the inspiration from the park.  Many ideas for my informative essays veritably (collegiate word for “just about”) careen (poetic word for “bounce”) from the exterior ceiling supports and room separators (architectural term for “walls”).  It helps that the acoustical properties of the building make it possible to hear everyone in the place clearly except the person in the booth with you.  Of course, I am getting older and may be developing far-hearedness… a condition present when you can’t hear your daughter saying “Daddy…Daddy…Daddy…” right beside your chair but you complain to your wife that the neighbor three houses down shouldn’t mow his lawn during the play-offs.

          Anyway, the whole advantage of having these conversations as a source of ideas is in having a whole room full of researchers who read volumes of material.  During their interaction with each other I can pick from all of the collective information being passed back and forth.

          Now it’s true that the informants at this particular establishment don’t pass on much information from the Wall Street Journal of political points of view from the Washington Post.  These are, however, people I feel a part of and with whom I am comfortable.  In addition, I find I don’t have to stand in the long line at the grocery store just so I can read the Enquirer or the Weekly World News, since that information is often covered in-depth.

I also gain a great deal of insight into interpersonal relationships.  Just the other day I was told – well, actually I think the lady behind me was told that Cary and Gretal or Gretchen, or maybe even all three, were pregnant and were going to have a pheasant in four months and then they couldn’t go to high school to learn hunting because they wouldn’t allow them out of the nursing home.  It was quite busy that day, but I’ve got it all right here in my notes.

          As you listen it’s possible to pick up tid-bits of valuable folk wisdom, as well.  One day an older gentleman was teaching others how he could blow his nose to clear his hearing – whether he had a cold or not made no difference.  He felt this kept him from wearing a hearing aid.  I think he needed a handkerchief, though, ‘cause he said “What?” a lot.

          In addition I learned that Would you like more coffee, sir?  Excuse me.  I was distracted.  Anyway, I picked up some tips on denture care, soft water versus hard water, support hose and I also covered a conversation on lingerie and its strategic selection for purposeful effect.  I couldn’t bring myself to look but I really kind of hope these discussions didn’t all come from the same table, if you know what I mean.

          By far, the largest number of table-talks cover the topics of:

                     A)  Hunting and fishing

                     2) Vehicles

                     Next to last)  Family

IV)         The direction of society today

Of these subjects, the coverage of motorized vehicles is largely a male topic.  In my attentiveness I have gained many opinions on the superiority of Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Toyota, Isuzu, Bugati, Kenworth and Winnebago.  Points of discussion include engine comparisons, horsepower, fuel efficiency, fuel injection and fuel emissions.  Also torque…(What the heck is torque, anyway?  Have you ever seen the stuff?)  Women, on the other hand, usually only talk about vehicles when they don’t start.

          As a primarily male topic hunting and fishing are covered year-round.  I can often find out where the fish are biting, who will allow you to hunt their land, which loads work best in diverse conditions and who shot B. J. Arnells’ Hereford.  As you can imagine, all of this information is valuable in one way or another, if you know what to do with it.

          Contrary to what you may believe, women spend a lot of time talking about hunting and fishing as well.  Many begin their conversations with the topic, such as:

                     “Have you seen your husband lately?”

          or

“I told him if he was leaving at 4:30 in the morning, he could get up and make his own lunch!”

On occasion women will talk about hunting in a positive light – generally when they want their husbands to be out of the house.

          The next on the list, interpersonal and family discussions, are a co-ed topic, but the depth of the issue is much greater with women.  This is probably the source of the mistaken impression that men are shallow as the kiddy pool.  Men are not shallow.  They are uncaring.  There is a big difference and another ten pages there, which we will cover at another time.

          Anyway, the interpersonal and family topic, when in discussion, is usually confined to people related to the, um, discussioners…or people they know…or people other people they know, know.  And of course, people other people they know have heard of.  Got that?  These conversations make me worry about the direction of society today.

          Granted, these subjects are largely confined to men and women middle aged and older who are firmly entrenched in the lower middle-income socio-economic status.  I do, sometimes, hear teens converse naturally on their favorite topics.  These are usually the enterprising young girls who work as waitresses on the weekends.  When I do find it possible to figure out what it is they’re talking about, I find it has to do with the poor behavior of their classmates and, 79.2% of the time, boys they like…or don’t like…or someone else likes or doesn’t like.  Do you see a pattern here?  Anyway, this information doesn’t usually supply me with any literary ideas, but quite often I gather enough dirt on some local boy to get my lawn mowed for free.  It is, after all, a terrible tool to know that Bob likes Kellys’ sister, but doesn’t want the other guys to know.  Peer pressure can be a powerful thing.

          All in all, I could find a “fancier” place to have my coffee.  Maybe someplace I could hear quotes from Business Week and the McNeil/Lehrer Report or maybe listen in on a discussion on the effects of dimple placement on golfball distance or the longevity of the sex lives of certain members of the Kennedy family.  The idea, however, that someone needs to have conversations about these things is pretty funny in itself and obviously needs no further harassment from me.

          And do you know what a fancy place like that charges for a lousy cup of coffee?!

          Besides, they threw me out after only an hour and twenty minutes.