Again!  I find it difficult to believe that another of my favorite restaurant/coffee house/writing places is closing its doors yet again.

            Okay, I guess I don’t find it surprising as much as I find it disconcerting and rather sad… at least for the owners and operators of the establishments I frequent.  Now, part of the problem is the type of places I tend to spend my time writing.  It can’t be too busy because, let’s face it, they wouldn’t put up with me sitting around taking up their space.  You know – space that paying customers would use.

              Don’t get me wrong, I pay for stuff.  It’s just that the time I spend sitting there generally extends far beyond the normal table time for wheat toast and coffee…sometimes just coffee.  I tip well, though management doesn’t profit from that, so they could care less. 

            In addition, if it’s a busy, popular destination, it’s likely too noisy for me to concentrate on my writing.  Well, not THIS kind of writing; this doesn’t take concentration so much as it does a moderate amount of alcohol.  And the places that serve alcohol don’t like it, either.  Perhaps I can reduce my overactive guilt response by remembering that if the location were busy in the first place I likely wouldn’t even be there.

            … 

            Nope.  That didn’t help.

            Of course, now that word is out that the restaurant is closing, it’s hard to find a table.  People are everywhere.  If these folks had come out of the woodwork before, I wouldn’t have the impetus to be writing this.  Or I would; it would just be about another place that I killed because this place would have been too busy.  Are you following me?  Yeah – sorry about that.

            I understand that someone purchased this building in order to turn it into a hair salon/bar/restaurant.  Yes, you understood me.  Go back and read that over again.  I actually expect it to be a popular place, primarily because the idea is different.  Do you know why it’s different?  BECAUSE THEY’RE CUTTING HAIR THE SAME PLACE THEY’RE MAKING YOUR FOOD!

            Oh, sure, the local Department of You Have To Keep That Clean is sure to give them a great number of GOOPs (Governmental Hoops) to jump through.  They will have to keep the food preparation areas cleaned in accordance with state and federal law.  The cut hair will have to be vacuumed and filtered through something like a…double prime neutron laser filter and I’m very sure the business areas will be well separated, still…  

            How about you and I start a new business:  Acme Auto Service and Fine Steak House.  You can get your oil changed and your tires rotated while you enjoy a premium steak dinner.  (You have to say “premium”, which is actually “average”, or else people will think it’s, like, formed chopped steak or laminated hamburger or something.)  Anyway, I’m leery of the business plan, just in case you were wondering.

            Of course, in today’s business climate you need to have a gimmick; something to draw people in.  In addition, if you have more than one specialty, you can hold onto your customers once you get them. From that perspective, the auto service and steak house isn’t such a bad idea (don’t believe that – it really IS a bad idea).  But you know what is a GOOD idea? 

            The SHOE BAR!  A specialty bar for women…and men.  Of any preference.  The premise would be as simple as it sounds.  Stop in for a drink and check out the newest shoe designs and fashions (which are the same as the old designs and fashions, just, uh, newer).  You can try them on while you relax with a drink and perhaps an aperitif.  I’m sure the State Department of You Can’t Do That will have a great many BLIP’s (Bureaucratic Line-Item Precautions) you’ll have to deal with, what with the shoe removal, footwear thing, but I’m sure the interest will outweigh the overhead.  I’m guessing the largest orders will be for wine.  If your market will support it, you can have a high end wing with designer shoes and $1500.00 bottles of wine.  No nachos or onion rings in this venue; only caviar and calamari. 

            Think of it ladies!  You stop by with your friends after a hard day at the office (the shop, the diner, the factory…whatever), sit down to a relaxing cosmopolitan and try on a cute new pair of pumps.  Maybe some new heels in a deep burgundy.  You KNOW they match that new blouse you bought.  Have another glass of wine and think about it.  How about this new red blend we have – just about the same color as those shoes…  It may be prudent to have a specific area where you can shop for and try on athletic footwear.  I would stock primarily light beers and merlot at this bar, but it’s just an idea.  This particular area would make a great buffer to a regular sports bar.  Sure, while some of your customers will be men, it would be nice to have a place where you could take money from “Joe Average” while he’s waiting for his “significant other” to finish shopping.  Or drinking.  Preferably both. 

            But that’s not where I was going when I started this, is it?  Don’t think I’ll go to a haircutting restaurant, so I guess I need to find a new place to go.  I certainly hope all the other places haven’t seen my record of restaurant closures.  I’ll never be able to get in anywhere!

            Maybe that’s why they always make me wait so long at Olive Garden.