Once again the year approaches the crisp autumn and the time many outdoor enthusiasts look forward to all year.  No, not the beginning of school!  Hunting season.

Hunters from all over have been planning for weeks in anticipation; cleaning their shoguns, loading their shells, polishing their Suburbans.  Pheasant and grouse season is coming up fast.  Waterfowl season is just around the corner.  For those hunters who feel that waving a shotgun around spasmodically and shooting holes in the sky is good practice, dove season is a prerequisite.

Fall hunting season is a modern male bonding experience, equivalent to an old barn raising or threshing bee.  It promotes comradery and long-term friendships.  The topic of the hunt, both before and afterward, aids social interaction and advances political abilities (pronounce “lying”).  In cases of shooters such as the author (that’s me), the hunt offers up a target of good-natured ribbing and downright ridicule.

While this writer (me again) has become a good enough shot with a rifle, the whole concept behind the shotgun seems to be elusive to my skill set.  Over the years I have found that, for me, the best technique to use with any “scattergun” is to firmly grip the firearm with both hands just behind the bead…and swing from just below my right ear.  When hunting faster game such as doves, I find it necessary to choke up on the barrel a bit so as to increase the speed of my swing.  This method of shotgun use nets the same number of birds (none), but wastes far less ammunition.

The event of opening day is a curious ritual in today’s’ society.  A friend of mine is an avid hunter but he tempers his passion with wisdom.  Or maybe he just trades one passion for another.  At any rate, opening day will find him on the otherwise deserted golf course making use of any tee time he desires.  Meanwhile, his hunting buddies can be found in any given field of cut corn or mid-grass prairie, walking shoulder to shoulder, shotguns at the ready, grim determination on their faces.  A long, steadily moving line, unnoticeable in the morning mist – except for the blaze orange vests and caps and the 37 highly polished, brightly colored sport-utility vehicles parked in the background.  Looks kinda’ like Pickett’s charge on the third day of Gettysburg…provided Pickett’s charge had happened in the fall – after the advent of motorized vehicles.

Getting back to the question at hand, what is the lure of the sport that brings these people out to the field?  What is it that calls them from their warm offices, comfortable homes and 10:15 dental appointments?  Okay, so we know why they skipped the dental appointment, but what about the other stuff?  Historically it was the need for food, the necessity that forced the hunt.  Today food is affordable and easily available from supermarkets, grocery stores and assorted open houses and wedding receptions.  When considering the cost of licensing, shotgun shells, fuel and a couple of beers on the way home, an afternoon of pheasant hunting costs about as much as  supper for a family of four at a restaurant and a movie afterward (no popcorn – unless there was a guide involved in the hunting).  The need for food, therefore, is no longer the motivating factor.

Perhaps it is the exotic game itself.  Pheasant, for example, is not readily or cheaply available in stores.  This bird has been considered a delicacy for many thousands of years.  Actually, pheasant under glass has its beginnings in ancient China.  It seems that the all-you-can-eat buffets of antiquity did not yet have the obligatory sneeze shields, a relatively modern invention; so all dishes were covered with a glass lid (they were cloched!  Get it?  Cloche…  Never mind).  Pheasant served in this way has been a highly prized dish ever since…I think.

Duck, likewise, has grasped a portion of the upper level status since the emperors’ chef tried to cover up the fact that he spilled the salad dressing on the bird before he cooked the thing.    Goose has been prized as a special occasion offering for many hundreds of years.  Of course, I believe the popularity of the goose had more to do with the fact that it was large enough to feed the additional pesky relatives who would show up at the door during the holidays.  You could always count on visitors to make the journey to town for the long weekend and Medieval Days sales.  Also, if we were to continue with the argument that the urge to hunt is fired by the desire for more exotic foods, grouse season pretty much kills the debate.  The grouse has always been a mere “table bird”, best accompanied not by a wine of fine vintage but with a lager from last week.

Another possible explanation for the origin of the hunt struck me.  I researched the likelihood that bird hunting was initially spurred by the need to eradicate a dangerous species.  Since neither history nor archaeology shows any of these bird species to ever have been poisonous or particularly aggressive, I really found no evidence to support this theory – except one supermarket tabloid with the headline “20 FOOT PARTIDGE ATTACKS WOMAN”.  The publication would not reveal their sources, although they did tell me aliens have since abducted the woman.

After all this extensive study I believe the human hunts merely because he or she desires the challenge of the hunt.  The proof of man’s superiority over bird…or 53 men’s superiority over bird, as the case may be.  It is a regression to primitive man – the hunter throwing the spear, slinging a rock, um, bowing an arrow.  The return of the triumphant provider celebrating success, the pounding of the chest, the drinking of the mead, the telling of the tales.  And again, men can gather together in comradery around the topic of the hunt, practicing social interaction and political skills:

“…and then we flushed this thing out of the brush, and Charlie, I tell ya’, this partridge was 20 feet high at least!…”