I have an interest in classic automobiles.  Those of you unfamiliar with this area of collectibles, as well as the spouses of those of us who are, probably recognize them more readily (as incorrect and closed-minded as you are) by the term “old cars.”  Some people, unaware of the status of less, um, polished vehicles in this class may refer to them as “junkers.”  This is incorrect terminology…these vehicles are valuable “parts cars.”

I think I inherited this acute interest from my father, who was a classic automobile “aficionado”, which is a Spanish word that means “person whose lawn looks like a salvage yard”.  Dad helped me with my first car.  Actually, Dad picked my first car which was a 1960 Plymouth Sport Fury 2-door hardtop with a blunt front end, a sloping rear “picture” window and the largest fins of any car ever made with the possible exception of the Batmobile (the movie one that Michael Keaton drove, not the television one driven by Adam West).  True, many cars from that era incorporated fins into their design, but the vertical plane on these things had the same surface area, roughly, as Rhode Island.  This attributed to its exceptional highway stability, ease of identification in parking lots and pointed fingers and chuckles from most of the kids in my school.  I loved that car!

But only in retrospect.

While it is largely a male interest, there are many women who take up this hobby.  It can be acquired from many sources, very few of which are viral or bacterial in nature.  The most obvious reason for the desire of the classic auto is the 25^th class reunion, or rather, nostalgia.  A good share of this is due to fond memories of past ownership of a given vehicle…or fond memories of its’ moonlit backseat, as the case may be.  Sometimes a person wishes to acquire a car like the one Dad used to have when they were kids.  This is so they can sit in the back and eat ice cream, which they were never allowed to do in Dad’s Studebaker.  Or perhaps they just always wanted a 1970 Road Runner but couldn’t afford the insurance payment when they were young and felt the hormonal urge to mark every corner of their territory with a black rubber line – two if they could afford posi-traction.

There are some people who desire a classic automobile because they feel, in this way, they can have an interesting, respectable car exhibiting character without spending the money on a new vehicle.  It is true that a quality classic automobile carries its’ own aura of respect and individualism, but that’s because anyone familiar with this interest will recognize the fact that for the money tied up in that ’62 Chevy Impala SS 2 door hardtop, the owner could have a new CTS, a two year old, low mileage MKZ and box seats at the playoffs.  And that doesn’t even take into consideration the fact that when they built these vehicles gas was 28 cents a gallon and wasn’t a major economic or environmental consideration.  Because of this, these cars take about the same amount of fuel at a fill as, say, a B-52 wing tank.

The only truly valid reason for desiring to own a classic automobile is the honest appreciation of the style of the period.  Style such as the rare and short-lived Tucker, built with many safety and engineering innovations such as a rear engine and seat belts for all passengers – only 51 were ever made, so you’ll probably need your credit card…or Bill Gates’ credit card.  Or the Deusenberg; each car individually designed for the buyer.  Or the Cadillac – the only automobile ever designed that, for some unknown reason, doesn’t look really stupid painted in that light pink color.  The style of each automobile also tells a great deal about society at the time of its’ production.  The advance in engineering in the 40’s which allowed the fenders to be integrated into the vehicle design rather than tacked on afterward.  The continuous increase in engine size and power,  The futuristic leanings of the 50’s which brought about fins and rocket style tail-lights, not to mention Ralph Nader, who brought about civil suits, mandatory seat belts and more expensive cars.  If you were saved by a seatbelt or an airbag, you may wish to send Ralph a thank you note.  If you can’t afford to buy a new car because of the ridiculous monthly payments, well, you understand why you can’t find Ralph’s address anywhere.

In terms of aesthetic layout, dash configurations are among my favorite areas of design.  My first car, for example, was built by the Chrysler Corporation during an apparently troubled time in the company’s history.  It seems, when looking at the vehicles of the day, that all the engineers with experience went over to the Ford Motor Company to work on the Edsel, which only proves that too many cooks ruin the upholstery, or the grill, as would be in this case.   In terms of placement, the dash was in front of the driver – that part was correct.  And for the most part, everything was there, but the rear view mirror was sticking up from the dash and, when it became loose, had a tendency to fall over, giving you an excellent defensive driving view of the Coke bottles under the passenger seat.  In addition, the speedometer sat atop the dash on two short pillars.  I always kind of figured that this particular part of the design came about by accident:

“Ed, c’mere once!  Look at this dash – does something seem wrong there?”

“No, it looks okay to…Mike, what’s that on your desk there?”

“Um, looks like the speedometer, Ed.”

“Well, don’t you think you could use that?  Here…take this piece of metal, cut it in half and bolt the gauge through it onto the top of the dash like so.  Looks great, huh!?”

“Yeah, Ed, but that was the fitting to connect the rearview mirror to the top of the windshield.”

You can see by this example that qualified designers, engineers and support people are necessary to create an automobile that’s timeless and classic.  Keep this in mind when seeking out that treasure, that car which shows your personality; your character…and then pick one with two seats and a huge motor.  You can never go wrong with leg cramps and lousy mileage.