I have discovered the secret to an organized mind: LISTS.

Organized people make lists.  Lists of everything they deem important: grocery lists, chore lists, packing lists, to-do lists, invitation lists.  These people are meticu-list.  Ha!  (Sorry)

          And this is not a modern innovation.  Many important, influential people throughout history have used lists.  Archaeologists have found numerous examples, including:

                     Strudel for breakfast

                     Idea: have troops march with legs straight out

                     Birthday present for Ava

                     Invade Poland

          or:

                     Tax Jews

                     10:00am Yiddish lesson

                     Judge thieves

                     Judge Jesus

                     Wash hands

          or:

                     Thou shalt not steal.

                     Thou shalt not kill…etc.

          I have a friend who is a firm believer in the making of lists.  Curt makes lists for everything that comes to his mind that may, possibly, need to be done.  In this way he always knows what has already been done, what needs to be done now and what should be done in the future.  He has these bases covered…but then, my friend Curt is kind of spastic.  He’s always running in a minimum of three different directions at once and because of this he’s developed some nervous habits like always brushing the hair off of his forehead, constantly cleaning everything in sight and, on occasion, randomly shooting passers-by from the roofs of tall buildings.  Curt would have heart disease if not for the fact that it would interfere with his developing ulcer.  An “A” for personality type, I think.

          It’s not necessary, of course, for you to have this type of lifestyle in order to become a list-maker.  O, contraire, mon ami (literally: “I don’t think so, Tim!”).  As a matter of fact, if you are a laid-back, relaxed individual, you are probably more likely to benefit from the notation of necessities – something to help you recall that you should pick up your daughter from basketball rather than some beer from the liquor store.  As a responsible parent, your children should always come first on your list…unless you have time to pick up the beer without being late.

          Often, the simple act of making a list will help you recall what it is you wanted to remember.  This may have something to do with the fact that once you bring the idea to the forefront of your conscious thought, the tendency to recall the information is much greater.  For this reason, I will sometimes make a list and then throw it away, since the act of writing it out helps ensure that I will remember.  Also, in some instances, this can keep any embarrassing hard copies from being found.

Attorney for the plaintiff: “Mr. Simpson, this note, in your handwriting, was found under a magnet on your refrigerator several days after the murder in question.”

          Pick up knives from sharpeners’

          Tickets to Chicago

          Remember gloves in hall closet

“What do you have to say to that?”

          Attorney for the defense: “I OBJECT!”

          If you have no critical reason to throw your lists away, I would suggest you date them in some way.  This will keep you from using an old list, which you confused with the one you wrote yesterday.  I have, for example, found perfectly fresh looking lists in jacket pockets, which reminded me to stop for things no longer necessary.  In this way I have accumulated extra items such as several gallons of spoiling milk, a stockpile of toilet paper, a third car and an extra knee surgery, among other things.

          Some of these “found” lists are sure to be lists you made up and subsequently lost, which can happen if you become too prolific in the making of lists.  When this happens, you can grow dependent, needing to make a list or write down every little thing you wish to remember.  Eventually you’ll feel the need to begin new lists, even though you have one started at home…and at the office, and in the car.  Soon you’ll be spending all your time running, chasing, searching for lists you may have written; totally helpless to recall the reason for your hunt.  Your short term memory will fail to gel; you will be firmly hooked on the use of lists the same way you became hooked on the pocket calculator.  – Quick what’s 7 plus 9?  No!  Don’t reach for you calculator!  Just tell me the answer!  It’s second grade math, for goodness sake…you’re an educated person.  HA!  I see you using your fingers!  Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?  THINK!

          See what I mean?  The list is a tool, but one you cannot afford to become too dependent on.  Is it any wonder that the truly organized people in the world are, well, kind of odd?  I believe, if you went through the little personal day planners they all carry, you’d find, next to their antacid prescriptions, a map of all the taller buildings in town…preferably ones with flat roofs.

          So it comes down to a decision you have to make for yourself: Do you want to be an organized, successful, neurotic individual or do you want to remain a forgetful, semi-normal, neurotic schmuck like the rest of us?

          It is possible for you to find a middle ground – an area in which you can operate without becoming excessively paper bound.  For example, my ability to organize a day is exemplary and it’s not something I was born with or learned in a well-organized upbringing.  This is a skill I have developed with determination, tenaciousness and repeated practice…not to mention a certain amount of apathy.  What you need to do is first organize your day for tomorrow.  This can be done either mentally or on paper.  Then tomorrow, if you haven’t quite completed everything you had slated for the day, simply chronicle it as an aspect of the next day’s list.  After several years of this type of personal training you can index and organize a day without a second thought:

“Lunch?  Sure.  I can fit it in between my 11:45 aerobics class and my 1:30 meeting with the board…in Minneapolis.  No problem.”

          Of course, some of my scheduled activities have to wait.  I still have to get to a basketball game last Thursday night and I keep rescheduling the filing of my 1992 tax return, but my blood pressure is normal, I have very little stress and my dependence on lists is very low.

          By the way, if you’re interested in a copy of my organizational training plan, just send me a stamped, self-addressed envelope – I’ll put you on my list.

          Hey, look!  There goes a superbly organized person.  Over there, see?  That one.  The one with the day planner and the assault rifle.